A friend of mine was on a bus in London recently, when a woman sat down opposite him and proceeded to empty and re-organise her handbag after emptying it on the seat. This is what she took out:

• A packet of cigarettes
• A white thong
• A packet of 3 condoms (extra large)
• A makeup case with a mirror
• A mobile phone
• A tube of zovirax
• Lipstick
• A pair of England socks
• A packet of 3 condoms (small)
• An oyster card
• A purse
• A packet of 12 condoms (regular, extra strength)
• A pair of navy blue knickers
• A tube of lubricant
• A pocket-pack of tissues
• A pair of latex gloves
• Eyeliner
• An England (St George’s cross) vibrator
• Another packet of cigarettes
• 3 packs of chewing gum (one of which was nicotine gum)
• A screwdriver
• A mirror
• A toothbrush
• A selection of business cards (the top one was a taxi company)
• House keys
• 2 AA batteries

Wow.